| Tommy's Night Life | |
| by Tommy Bartlett | |
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| 10:34 p.m.On Friday night, Tommy was wondering what to do. "Perhaps I can find some ladies here tonight." | |
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| 11:04 p.m. Ladies like flowers don't they? But to his dismay, he found no ladies in the garden. | |
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| 12:02 a.m. Tommy discovers a giant Yooper Scoop in someone's yard. "Maybe I can scoop up some women with this," he says. | |
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| 1:27 a.m. No women anywhere! Maybe they're hidden behind this fence. | |
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2:40 a.m. After all that work, Tommy gets hungry. He discovers he has no money and searches for cans, which have a a 10 cent deposit in Michigan. "It sucks being a poor college student," he says. "Maybe mom will send me money when she sees this." |
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| 3:40 a.m. Alas! 10 cents! | |
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| 3:45 a.m. Tommy wastes all his money on beer and parties with the Michigan Tech University Thermodynamics Club. "Beer can cool the average body temperature to a 37.567 degrees Kelvin to produce a superior equilibrium," the chapter president, Chris, said. | |
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4:11 a.m. After partying hard, Tommy finds himself trapped in downtown Houghton. "Still, no ladies," he says. |
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| 4:45 a.m. "The ladies like to read, right?" Tommy is disheartened to find the public library is not open at 4:45 a.m. | |
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5 a.m. "I looked all night. I'm tired and my head's about to explode. It's time to head back to the dorm." |
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| 5:30 a.m. Tommy gets home to his dorm room to discover two beautiful women there waiting for him. "Well, what can I say," he says. "I am a stud." | |
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